When I am looking to correct problematic behavior, creativity is not what I’m aiming for. I like to make the punishment simple, to the point and befitting the crime. This isn’t fun-ishment, this is about teaching someone a lesson on how to behave the way I want them to. Often the punishment could be a lecture or being made to write an essay.
For example a typical punishment - If I tell a girl to arrive at my house clean shaven and she shows up with a hairy bush, I’ll take the time to wax the misbehaving subs offending area. Trust me, it’s not fun.
Perhaps I might give them some corner time with their nose pressing a penny against the wall, for a given amount of time, to think about their infraction. If they let the penny fall, the timer starts again.
Being made to hold books in outstretched arms and then being caned or flogged, while counting off the strokes and repeating a line regarding their misbehavior. If they drop a book, we start again.
Now when we’re just talking about creative acts of sadism for its own sake, I particularly enjoy predicament bondage situations. Some of my favorites:
Aside from that, I just love good old fashioned beatings, corporal punishment and tight, painful bondage. Throw in some degradation and dehumanization and I’d say we’ve had a fun night.
I don’t like being punished…
I can take any torment my owners want to give, but I can’t stand being punished.
It’s irrelevant what the punishment is, just the fact that I’ve done something to deserve punishment is devastating
The worst punishment I have ever received was when Mistress just whispered “Bad girl…” and walked away from me…
You get it - the difference between punishment and simple torment. I like to make that clear because there is a big difference.
I can punish without lifting a finger. All it takes is a withering stare that will cut you to the bone. If I have my hooks in you, the sheer weight of my disappointment alone should be enough to deter misbehavior.
There’s is nothing worse than knowing you’re disappointed with me. You said something before which hit me really hard and would was worse than any punishment.
Thank you. Someone actually drawing a distinction between “punishment” and “sadism”. I do get tired of the “Ooooo - I’ve been bad - do I get a spanking?”.
No. If you’ve been “bad”, I will make you understand that you have disappointed me. Just sitting on your own, in silence, in another room, for example. No, it isn’t “fun”.
And if you want a spanking (or anything else), ask nicely, properly, politely - and we’ll see if that sparks the relevant interest in me. The risk is, it may spark an entirely different interest, depending on my mood. But life is full of risks not taken :)
I’ve been this way since childhood — the worst punishment is what I inflict on myself, knowing that I’ve disappointed the person I care about and want to please, knowing I’ve failed somehow.
The absolute worst punishment for me is to be banished from my Man’s presence for any length of time. To sit alone and cry and think about how I’ve disappointed Him. It also forces me to think about how I can do better in the future.
BINGO. Fucking bingo. You CARE enough that it actually matters. It isn’t just play. You actually want (need) someone you can care about (and cares for/cherishes you) - to the point of absolute devotion. At least, that’s what I need in a sub. You want to give of yourself, absolutely everything you can ever possibly think of to give. One of the big challenges is actually finding someone that can accept that.
Ok, admission: now I’m ranting about what I want/expect in a sub!
It has to matter. If not, we’re just acting in our own personal porn. That’s all well and good, but there needs to be some feeling of purpose and duty behind it, for me to get really excited about dominating someone. It takes time and patience and both parts, but I find it so incredibly rewarding. It’s an art form to me and I am always practicing. I put a lot of work into what we do and I want her to appreciate that and reciprocate with the behavior that I prescribe. When I have to punish, I want them to realize it’s not fun for me either, but I do it because I care enough to correct the problem.
I didn’t get any training, specifically. There’s just a lot of stuff that applies throughout life that can be hijacked.
Look at management books, principals in soft positional management, hostage negotiation, Stockholm syndrome & neurolinguistics (case studies, not popsci) knowing a lot about technical writing helps; you’re aiming to phrase things in order to remove ambiguity and doubt and present only a single possible outcome: its not that you expect your submissive to weasel out of things you’ve asked for, it’s that you don’t want an interpretation layer in what you’re asking them, no matter how small.
Think of it like the difference between ordering a burger the way you want it, and ordering it in the way the Burger-place-worker has to punch it into the till. When you learn how to do it the latter way, there’s a palpable relief on the part of the worker, who no longer has to translate what you want into what they have to do.
Once you’ve established simple compliance, Its less about demanding things and more about presenting absolute clarity and maneuvering the subconscious. Creating simple puzzles that the submissive can solve and feel relief and a sense of achievement for completing makes unpacking their resistance a game that they like to win.
Habituate your property to feel a sense of relief and happiness when they perceive and meet your needs without being asked. I typically go very heavy on positive verbal and mental reinforcement and light on physical rewards. Punishment is reserved for instances of insubordination rather than incomplete or inadequate service : to my mind, it’s my failing if they’re not habitually giving me 100%
By going light on physical reward you remove positive experiences from the arrangement : instead of encouraging contact materialism, you encourage service. More I do this because good girls do it and I am a good girl and I like being a good girl and much less if I do this then he’ll let me go to the concert at the weekend. It allows me to keep the small gestures romantic rather than part of bargaining.
In the end, I prefer implicit rather than explicit power structures. My girls defer to me because that’s how I’ve taught them to prefer things. They don’t need to remind themselves of their role, which makes it much easier to maintain mine by creating a space for me to act within.
Somewhere out there, a dude will read this and go “Lame. I dont bargain, I get what I want” and frankly the only thing I have to say to these people is that they have absolutely no idea what they are doing, in the most literal sense of the phrase. “Do this or I hit you” “Do this or I leave” and “Do this because I say so” are all forms of bargaining. They’re also clumsy, crude and childish. We can do better.
Wonderful, beautiful, brilliant advice. This is a must read for doms and subs alike.
This is in response to two questions about reducing the pain of anal sex and someone being concerned for their girlfriend (super sweet, by the way! Always make sure you do things safely people!!)
- Lube. Lube is very important and helps skin and other material not stick and cause more painful friction. The lube I use and absolutely love is called Pink Water. The small bottle goes a long way! So don’t be afraid of going small and cheap first. This, I think, is the most important thing.
- If you can afford it, consider purchasing anal training plugs. They usually come as a three pack, small, medium and large. They’re great and a safe way to practice and get used to going bigger. If you want to and enjoy getting to the large plug, it’ll make it much easier for a guy to slide his cock in after taking out the large plug.
- If you can’t afford plugs, his fingers work great too. Add some lube to the first one and slowly slide it in (or the small plug, depending on what you’re using).
- Pain can never be completely removed. But the lube and starting small is the best way to go. You’ll possibly, at some point, feel a pinch/maybe a burning sensation. This is because you’re trying to first stretch something that normally only stretches last for…well, you know. And doesn’t stay stretched for long. So slow is nice. Remember to take deep, relaxing breaths. Breathing as relaxing your muscles is also super important.
- As his finger or the plug slides in deeper, eventually your ass will “give in”. The finger or plug will slide in with ease and the pain should go away. At least, that’s how it went for me. Keep it in for a moment. Get used to the feeling. Keep breathing and try to stay relaxed. Move and wiggle the plug, slide it gently in and out (not all the way out, but you get it I think). Get used to the feeling. Keep it in for a bit. If you want to advance, go for it. Try the same steps with a second finger or the medium plug. And so on.
- If you want to wait and keep practicing, do that. Maybe once or twice a day. The plugs are nice because you can keep them in for long periods. Like an hour maybe. Or whatever you feel comfortable with. If not, and you want to have anal sex with cock the same night, I can’t stop you. And my advice would be to go slow, use fingers, lube, and understand there will be some pain. But lube also prevents tearing.
- Always put a decent amount of lube on cock. All down the whole shaft. Having a cock inside of you will feel very full and deep. It’s best to slide in slowly and also begin thrusting slowly. Some women, including me, will have a sensation that you’ll have to go to the bathroom. Most likely, you won’t. That’s normal. And you can probably figure out why.
- The faster you get ass fucked, the more careful you should be. MEN: Don’t pull out super fast. Ever. I don’t care what happens in porn, be gentle when you pull out. Look up what the “pink sock” is. It’s not good.
- If you’re worried about a mess, it rarely happens. Poop doesn’t just sit in your ass at the edge. It’s deep. Usually nothing will get on your toy, fingers or his cock. But if it happens, don’t freak out. Have some baby wipes or a damp towel around and maybe hand sanitizer. If you’re THAT worried about a mess, don’t have anal sex. If you can’t be mature about it, don’t do it.
- Also, if you’re worried about cum ad what happens if he cums inside of your ass, remember that cum is natural and will just be absorbed by the body. If it’s deep, usually it doesn’t come back out. But sometimes it might. Showers or baby wipes are good to have. :)
- I hope this all helps. It’s all based on my experiences and research, for any questions, feel free to ask! Also remember I’m not a doctor. Please be safe and cautious and understand that we aren’t biologically supposed to have sex anally. So it’s riskier. SAFETY and your health is the most important thing.